


I don't need to win, but I'm tired of losing

by rileymatthews



Category: Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: Anguished Declarations of Love, Epistolary, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 15:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rileymatthews/pseuds/rileymatthews
Summary: The Letters Debbie wrote Lou.
Relationships: Lou Miller/Debbie Ocean
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19
Collections: Femslash Exchange 2019





	I don't need to win, but I'm tired of losing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kathryne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathryne/gifts).

> Title from Lose Lose Lose - SWMRS  
kathryne, I instantly got the idea for an epistolary fic from your ideas about adding depth and disliking them settling down, both of which i love! i didn't think i could watch this movie more in a month then i already had, but for this i did lol.

2013

Lou.

I know you won’t read these. Even if the halfcocked bribery attempt that I’m pulling to get these out unread and unfiltered works, you won’t read them. Get them, yes. Keep them, maybe. But never read them. And I don’t care. I need you out there if I’m going to survive the next 5 years. Yes, I do intend to get time off for good behavior. No, I don’t have a plan yet. I need time. Thank God for prison, I suppose. All the Time I could ask for and more.

I have a plan. Not for the good behavior, that’s still in the planning stages. This plan is too, but I know the pieces I need. It’s a plan for a job. 7 people. You, me, and five others. Right now, it’s impossible, but I know I can get it to be perfect. I need time and I need you. I have 5 years to do it, all I need is you. The only person I rely on, even after everything that happened.

This won’t be the last time I send a letter, expect more to come. I’ll explain who we need, as I figure it out. I won’t make the plan clear, but you’re smart, you’ll get the gist from the players. Once I’m out I’ll explain the rest, and you can take it or leave it.

I need you for this job.

Debbie.

* * *

2014

Lou.

Based on the fact you never replied to my first letter, I’m assuming you aren’t reading there. However, that won’t stop me. There’s still some small chance you might read these, and I must hold onto someone else being out there to listen to, cause otherwise I may as well just make these blankets into a noose. I’m also going to act like you are reading these, makes it easier to get my thoughts out clearly. So, don’t expect these to stop just because you ignore me.

I know the first other person we’ll need. A jeweler, I’m sure you can guess why. I know a girl, Amita; she’s local, talented, and wants more out of life then what she’s got. AKA the perfect accomplice. I’ve worked with her before, but nothing as active as what she’ll need to do for this job, so she’ll take some convincing. I’ll talk to her, face to face, once I’m out, but I need you to keep an eye on her, make sure she’s ok.

We’ll also fence, someone with skills in acquisitions. I was thinking Tammy. I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not that. We’re long over, same as the last time that I told you, and nothing will change that, no matter the number of side-eyes you give me when I bring her up. She’s married anyways and has sworn off crime, as likely as that is. She’s in the suburbs now, somewhere upstate. I’ll go to her after I’m out too, don’t worry.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I get that. I miss you. I don’t deserve to. I fucked everything up between us, and I hope to God it isn’t the end.

I miss you.

Debbie.

* * *

2017

Lou.

This letter will likely be my last. Three letters in five years doesn’t seem like much, but if you’ve seen what I’ve gone through to get them out to you, then you’d understand. There’s not a lot of letter space left to get out everything I need to, so this is going to be the longest letter.

Danny’s dead. Or at the very least he wants people to think he is. It’s not the first time, but it’s the first time he didn’t tell me. I don’t know which would be worse. I hope to hell he’s not lying to me, or I don’t know If I’ll be able to forgive him.

I know the last pieces we’ll need for the job, and I need your help. What I realized is that we need a hacker. Well, I knew that we needed one a while ago, but I don’t know who. You know how hacking is, it’s all kids, and half the good ones go straight or get bored before too long. So I’m relying on you for this one.

And I want a girl for this—or a woman, I suppose. I want the whole crew to be women, if you haven’t noticed by now. For one, it’s poetic, screwed by a man, return to power with women. Girl power, all that. More importantly, I trust women more. I know them, I am one. All women crew.

On that note, we’ll need to track down a pick pocket. Young, hungry, controllable. This is another group with a lot of turnover, I’ll need your guidance on who’s out there.

The last person we need is a fashion designer. Someone Anna Winter loves, but down on their luck. Whatever Happened to Baby Jane type, but manipulatable. I don’t exactly get fashion news here, so I have no idea who. I’m relying on you for this one too.

I’m sorry. I told myself, years ago, I’d never say that to anyone ever, but I have too. If I wrote out everything, I was sorry for I would end up hating myself as much as you should. But I can try, as hard as it is to not leave up the walls you always know hoe to break through. I’m

I need you, now and always. That's not how we work, free flowing criminals constantly standing on the precipice of death and change. Well fuck that. If there’s two things that I’ve learned in the last four God forsaken years of prison jumpsuits and crap food, it’s that I can’t write when I’m horny, and being without you is a hell of a lot worse than being with you. I’m obsessive, dangerous, and expected you to be there when I told you not to be. We’re stealing diamonds, and baby, one of them is for you. Fuck marriage, fuck religion, fuck the law, I just need to put something in the world saying you’re mine and I’m yours.

I want to kiss you in a thousand ways, lay you down on a bed or table or counter and fuck your brains out. I need you, Lou. Sexually, obviously. Every time I go to write to you, I get distracted by the thought of you. I lay in my bunk unable to focus on anything but your legs, your hair, your lips, until I finish. Only then can I actually write without being overwhelmed by you and my need.

But it’s not just that. I need you with me. Fuck commitment, that’s not you, and that’s not me. But I can’t imagine a world where I’m not with you. I know you won’t read this, but I don’t care. I know the truth, I know what I want and I know what I need to say.

The first thing I’m going to do when I get out is acquire new clothes, makeup, and some place to take a bath. After that I’m visiting you. I’m going to lay out the plan to you, you’re going to say no, until you realize it’s the only way to protect me.

The heist will work. We’ll be rich. And hopefully, I’ll have you.

I love you.

Debbie.

* * *

2018

Danny.

I knew you were alive, you bastard. Not telling me, or Rueben, or anyone was fucked. An I’m tempted to do the same. I get it, I finally get why. I don’t know the lengths I’d go for Lou, and I don’t know how I can blame you.

That’s what it sounds like too. Putting words onto it is inaccurate. There’s wasn’t a ceremony, so don’t worry, but there’s an acknowledgement I wish you would have been here to talk to about.

Saying much more would probably be incriminating. You get that. We have something planned, and if you won’t help you can at least watch. If you want to find us, keep an eye on the news.

I’ll do the same.

I’m glad you’re back.

Debbie.


End file.
